How do you...

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How do you...

Post by Guest on 13/6/2013, 11:18

(A thread for posting those "How do you..." jokes):

How do you turn a dish washer on?
Kiss her neck.


How do you make your girlfriend cry while you are having sex?
Phone her up and tell her about it!


How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.


How do you start a rave in Glasgow?
Glue a two-pence piece to the ceiling.

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Re: How do you...

Post by stupidirriat on 18/6/2013, 14:29

How rude can you be on here?clown
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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 18/6/2013, 14:53

As rude as you want, this is a forum for bad boys and misfits with minimum moderation. Wink
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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/6/2013, 16:00

stupidirriat wrote:How rude can you be on here?clown

As rude as you like! Twisted Evil

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Re: How do you...

Post by Mr Random on 18/6/2013, 17:07

but no cock pics

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I'm dyslexic and not up my own arse so if I pick you up on spelling then you've fucked up bigtime

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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 18/6/2013, 17:41

We don't want randy and PMPT getting jealous. Wink
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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/6/2013, 18:54

Fuck off Boss! Razz

Oh, we want plenty of fanny pics. Very Happy

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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 18/6/2013, 19:37

Per Mare Per Terram wrote:we want plenty of fanny pics. Very Happy

Will this do? Razz Razz Razz

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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/6/2013, 19:51

Wrong colour lids mate. They should be red and maroon. Very Happy

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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 18/6/2013, 19:57

Look like a right load of fannies to me, must be the right piccy. Razz
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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/6/2013, 19:59

Is that because you feel threatened by them? Razz

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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 18/6/2013, 20:00

"Threatened?" nah, I don't do threatened, pity - yes, threatened - no. Razz
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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/6/2013, 20:03

Why would you pity them? They should be pitying you! Razz

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Re: How do you...

Post by Mr Random on 18/6/2013, 20:04

Does PMPT know Boss Hogg's "dark secret"

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I'm dyslexic and not up my own arse so if I pick you up on spelling then you've fucked up bigtime

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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/6/2013, 20:10

Which "dark secret"? Laughing Wink

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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 18/6/2013, 20:12

That I'm a paranoid schizophrenic!!! Well no-one has said it in so many words, but we know they're thinking it!!! lol!
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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/6/2013, 20:34

That would explain a lot. Laughing

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Re: How do you...

Post by stupidirriat on 18/6/2013, 22:16

OK,here goes,

How do you circumcise a woman????









Sit her in a wicker chair,then cut the bits hanging down!!!!Sad
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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/6/2013, 22:32

I was expecting worse.... Laughing

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Re: How do you...

Post by stupidirriat on 19/6/2013, 06:27

Per Mare Per Terram wrote:I was expecting worse.... Laughing........I was expecting to be banned!!!!!!,why can't I type into the blank box when replying??????Odd.
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Re: How do you...

Post by Strumpet on 19/6/2013, 06:31

stupidirriat wrote:

If you look at the top icons (over the reply box) click the 3 dots icon then the page icon at the end .................it should work..

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Re: How do you...

Post by Guest on 19/6/2013, 09:15

I have the same problem and I don't see three dots anywhere.

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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 19/6/2013, 09:25

If you just click on the right hand icon in the post reply box (looks like a piece of paper with the corner folded down) that'll switch between editor modes. Wink
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Re: How do you...

Post by Strumpet on 19/6/2013, 09:30

BritinAfrica wrote:I have the same problem and I don't see three dots anywhere.

ok hope this works


click this and a new page opens then



click the three dots icon

then click the page icon the last on on this image



then you should be able to reply to a quote with out it appearing in the quite box...

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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 19/6/2013, 10:50

or just click the right button straight away. Wink
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Re: How do you...

Post by Guest on 19/6/2013, 14:19

Boss Hogg wrote:If you just click on the right hand icon in the post reply box (looks like a piece of paper with the corner folded down) that'll switch between editor modes. Wink

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Found the little bugger

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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 19/6/2013, 14:32

BritinAfrica wrote:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Found the little bugger

Took your time didn't you. Razz
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Re: How do you...

Post by Mr Random on 19/6/2013, 19:01

for some reason Boss you have to press the three dots sometimes to make the next button appear

I was referring to BH's dark past as a Para

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Nothing I say should be listened to I'm full of shit and not the Messiah, in fact I'm a very naughty boy, nope wait I'm Spartacus, nope I'm Batman, nope I'm defiantly a naughty boy, however if I'm a cunt towards you the odds are it's cause I like you

I'm dyslexic and not up my own arse so if I pick you up on spelling then you've fucked up bigtime

I AM THE byLAW
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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 19/6/2013, 19:36

Ah, you must be using a small screen, I have a 22" widescreen monitor so all buttons show on one row. As for the dark past -  not everyone knows I was TA Para before joining RMP. Wink
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Re: How do you...

Post by Mr Random on 19/6/2013, 20:51

I do only have a little screen

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Nothing I say should be listened to I'm full of shit and not the Messiah, in fact I'm a very naughty boy, nope wait I'm Spartacus, nope I'm Batman, nope I'm defiantly a naughty boy, however if I'm a cunt towards you the odds are it's cause I like you

I'm dyslexic and not up my own arse so if I pick you up on spelling then you've fucked up bigtime

I AM THE byLAW
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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 19/6/2013, 20:55

It doesn't matter about the size, it's what you do with it, as I keep telling the wife!!! lol!
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Re: How do you...

Post by Ploddarnsarf on 19/6/2013, 22:51

Not easy on an iPhone

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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 20/6/2013, 00:21

Boss Hogg wrote:As for the dark past -  not everyone knows I was TA Para before joining RMP. Wink

I did. Razz

Your knees let you down I think?

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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 20/6/2013, 00:23

Boss Hogg wrote:

Took your time didn't you. Razz

Have some respect, this computer malarky isn't easy for OAP's! Razz Wink

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Re: How do you...

Post by Guest on 20/6/2013, 08:17

Per Mare Per Terram wrote:

Have some respect, this computer malarky isn't easy for OAP's! Razz;)

Anymore more out of you cabbagehead and I'll hit you wiv a red caps handbag.bootyshake

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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 20/6/2013, 08:34

Just use your RAF handbag. Wink
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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 20/6/2013, 09:38

BritinAfrica wrote:

Anymore more out of you cabbagehead and I'll hit you wiv a red caps handbag.bootyshake

That's not a deterrent! Laughing

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Re: How do you...

Post by Guest on 20/6/2013, 10:44

Boss Hogg wrote:Just use your RAF handbag. Wink

When they were issued to us we had to delete RMP off the front.clown

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Re: How do you...

Post by Guest on 20/6/2013, 10:47

Per Mare Per Terram wrote:

That's not a deterrent! Laughing

I opened it and found fur covered handcuffs and truncheon .Shocked


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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 20/6/2013, 10:57

That sounds about right! Very Happy

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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 20/6/2013, 11:51

You daft fecker, you'd picked up PMPTs patrol bag by mistake. Wink
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Re: How do you...

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 20/6/2013, 15:36

Yeah, because your patrol bag has anal beads and a 12" dildo! Razz

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Re: How do you...

Post by BossHogg on 20/6/2013, 15:39

No, that belongs to one of my Cumbrian colleagues. Wink
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Re: How do you...

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