Something I wrote

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Something I wrote

Post by Yossarian on 8/7/2013, 17:39

Something I penned down one evening and thought I would share, a short piece that I am searching for honest feedback on.

Anyway, here goes.


Mary watched through the porthole as early morning fog wrapped itself around the steamer. Her head rested softly on her mothers coat as she , her mother and two other young women lay quietly in their small cabin. The cool dark sea rolled calmly against the side of the liner as Mary struggled to keep her eyes open as the fog continued to drift past the porthole.

Mary, straining to remain still as not to disturb her sleeping mother who lay just behind her on their small shared cot. Mary then drifted slowly back to sleep, as the morning continued on...

Some time later, Mary's vision returned in the form of slits as she slowly awoke. This time bright blue sky met her gaze as she peered out of the porthole. The sun shown brightly over the dark blue sea, as she watched as a pair of birds drift on the sea breeze past her.

Mary sat up and rubbed her cheeks as she turned to her mother, who was holding a kettle of hot water. Mary smiled at her mother's warm touch as she leaned into side and inhaled a welcoming wift of steam from the kettle. The trip of the four females had been hard, but soon they would be home. Closer to the war, but home. We will see Pa Pa soon, said Mary's mother in a warm tone. Now rest my dear, Rose and Madi will be back soon with breakfast.

Mary, comforted by her mother's words once more laid her head on her coat as her mother tended to straightening the small cabin. Mary's dreams soon returned to her, as she placed her thoughts once again on her father. His strong hands running the saw at the mill near their home, his calm voice whispering stories of courage, and bravery to her as she would fall asleep in his and mother's arms so many nights before the war. Before leaving to America.

That is when she saw it, it being something so strange, so out of place, so unknown, streaking towards the side of the ship, through the water, in the water. She peered through her trance of dreams, as she struggled to awake to look at the strange apparition that slowly, yet also quickly moved towards her, towards the liner, towards all of them.

Then the strange shape disappeared out of view and this is the moment when her dream stopped...

The cabin rocked violently as the floor slanted hard to towards the water, seemingly as if the entire ship had been picked up by the hand of a giant and dropped back onto the surface of the sea.

Mary's head hit the wall hard, and the noise subsided as quickly as it came, she peered out of the porthole as a spray of mist blocked the once calm picture of the blue sky and bright morning sky. And a quant, yet brief silence surrounded her.

Mary then turned hearing the screams that were racing to her ears through the open door to the cabin.

That is when the lights flickered the first time, and her breathing became heavy as pure fear flooded her chest.

This is when Mary found that she was all alone. The cabin was empty and the deck seemed to slant more noticeably towards the cold sea outside of the cabin's only porthole. Mary leaned over the lip of the Porthole and saw the sea, and the lack of motion in the ship. As the still water like a wall seemed to be moving ever closer to her tear streaked face.

Mother, where was she? Again the screams met her ears as she bolted through the open cabin door. Ma Ma! She screamed, Ma Ma!

The Lights flickered again and the corridor for a moment dwelled in almost complete darkness. A wall of panicked people, some dressed, some bare, and many many children, boys, and girls like her run in each way. Run! Run! Screamed a man who reminded Mary of her father with his blonde hair.

Pa Pa! Pa Pa she cried to herself trying to comfort herself with thoughts of his arms. Panicked people pressed her hard into the wall as the lights flickered again. The screaming filled the corridor filling her ears as she clasped her hands over them.

Mary, filled with fear then ran forward, forward like before, up, up like for supper, like last night, with Ma Ma. To the stairs, Mary struggled as she slipped with great effort between the legs of the panicked people. Mary watched as the men, the young and strong threw the women and pushed the children away from the stairs. Each tugging, pulling and pressing the others down, pushing themselves up.

Mary reached the stairs as a older boy wrapped his clasp around her hair from behind, she turned to face the panicked boy, to see the anger, and fear mixed upon his expression. She struggled to free herself as he pulled her towards him. Help! Ma Ma! Screamed Mary over the overwhelming chorus of the fleeing, of the dying. She turned and kicked as a grown man pulled the boy from her and threw him back into the crowd.

Go! Screamed the man as he pointed through the mangled wall of bodies towards the skylight over the crowed stairwell.

Mary then watched in amazement as the man ran away from the stairs, into the people, and a new sound met her ears as he made his way awkwardly down the now slanted corridor below. Checking the now angled cabins.

The sound of rushing water, suddenly rekindled the intense fear inside her. Mary, surrounded on the stairs as she clasped the railing and struggled up through the vortex of bodies. Hot tears streaking her cheeks as she watched as a flood of dark black water swarmed up the stairs below at an increasing slant. She watched as bodies fell from the platforms above, many pushed, and thrown by the young, the strong, the men. And they fell, sometimes just one, sometimes two at a time, into the swirling icy death below.

That's when it met her, the scream the scream that was different than all the vanquished voices before it. Yes the scream, the scream of her mother.

Mary, looking upward watched her mother, her dress torn struggle against the wall of pressing bodies, struggle down the stairs, struggle towards her.

This is when the lights flickered for the last time. Replacing their warm glow with almost total darkness.

Mary suddenly stopped, Mary! Mary! Screamed her mother, Mary! Her mother screamed over the chorus of dying, of the about to die, in the now pale gloom of the morning sun as it trickled down the stairs from the skylight far above on the distant ceiling.

The slant was now almost even with the sea, as the water rushed now faster, swirling around Mary's bare ankles driving icy nails of pain into her pale skin.

Her mother, now just one platform above, jumped into the water with floating corpses now finally catching up with her.

Her feet caught a footing on the sinking stairs and she struggled through the freezing others, through the panic leaning as close to Mary as the railing between them would permit.

Her cold wet fingers touched Mary's outstretched hand in the almost total darkness of the flooding stairwell. In the vanishing sunlight Mary could see her wet wedding ring shine as her fingers touched her wet outstretched hand.

Mary! Screamed her mother over the roar of the on rushing sea, Mary let go! It's okay! Let go! Mary nodded quickly in the darkness of the stairwell, as the walls now became her platform with her mother.

She struggled to maintain her grasp on her mothers fingers as desperate hands of the dying tugged on her shoulders, Mary then watched as they all at once were sucked under the railing she now found herself perched upon.

Through the dark water Mary could see the green, the green. The Green of her mother's loving eyes as she rolled away into the darkness of the approaching Sea.

Pa Pa, said Mary quietly one last time, as the roar of the sea now finally over came the now faint whimpers of the once screaming dying.

Then, as Mary peered upwards one last time at the skylight, and she watched as a blue shape began to replace the once vibrantly lit panels of glass, icy bullets of water dripped between the panes, the sunlight sparkled as though during twilight through the changing glass.

Mary then watched as the glass all at once gave way, and the cold embrace of the sea, the sea near her home, the sea she saw in her Pa Pa's eyes rushed now from all sides towards her, and she was alone.

And she was ok.

Nothing but the water.


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Re: Something I wrote

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 8/7/2013, 18:51

Is this why you've been missing for weeks? Wink

Per Mare Per Terram

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