"Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

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"Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by The Hawkster on 12/7/2013, 22:10

Hi all,

Thought I'd revive this old bugger!

Let's start off with a Golden One! :) PMPT, you can continue! Very Happy

I love the commercial breaks on ITV. You can go and get a beer. From the refrigerator. At the filling station. In Inverness. New Zealand.
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by BossHogg on 12/7/2013, 22:23

and we want new ones youngun, no cutting and pasting from milforum. Wink
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by The Hawkster on 12/7/2013, 23:13

I'd do no such thing! Wink

Am I cleared to deliver all the vulgarity, sexism, racism, and insensitivity that I can?
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Mr Random on 12/7/2013, 23:15

I'll ban you if you don't

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I'm dyslexic and not up my own arse so if I pick you up on spelling then you've fucked up bigtime

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by The Hawkster on 12/7/2013, 23:21

Heathrow Airport was shut down today... Ethiopian Airlines flight fire?

Lots of potential flashpoints for a fire. The kitchen probably wasn't one of them! Very Happy
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Strumpet on 15/7/2013, 09:17

hawky94 wrote:I'd do no such thing! Wink

Am I cleared to deliver all the vulgarity, sexism, racism, and insensitivity that I can?

So you just going to make jokes about Canada eh?

Like Canadians have to design all their Halloween costumes to fit over a snow suit..................Very Happy 


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Harrods

Post by BossHogg on 15/7/2013, 19:56

A lady walks into Harrods, she looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. He politely greets the lady with 'Good day, Madam, how may we help you today? Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?' He answers, 'Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!' affraid
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Mr Random on 15/7/2013, 19:59

Do you know Selfridges get the right hump if you phone up and ask them if they Sell Fridges - allegedly

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I'm dyslexic and not up my own arse so if I pick you up on spelling then you've fucked up bigtime

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 15/7/2013, 20:38

hawky94 wrote: PMPT, you can continue! Very Happy


Cheers youngster, I've missed it! Very Happy

hawky94 wrote:I'd do no such thing! Wink

Am I cleared to deliver all the vulgarity, sexism, racism, and insensitivity that I can?

Yes you are, no restrictions here. Very Happy

***Note*** If you are easily offended, don't read from this point forth. Wink

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 15/7/2013, 20:42

My mate and I were fishing when he asked, "What's the best thing you've ever caught?"

I replied, "Probably my two daughters having sex."

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 15/7/2013, 20:44

My friend asked, "What's the secret to your happy marriage?"

I replied, "Chemistry. I'm on Valium and the wife's on Prozac."

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 15/7/2013, 20:46

I asked the wife for anal sex last night.

Might as well, she takes everything else the wrong way.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 15/7/2013, 20:47

Even though Glee star Cory Montieth has been found dead in a hotel, remember fans of the show -

Don't stop, bereaving.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 15/7/2013, 20:48

What's the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? George Zimmerman dodged a bullet.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 15/7/2013, 20:49

My wife has just woken up from a coma and thinks its 2005.

Which is great news.

That's two years before I met her.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 15/7/2013, 20:50

When picking up girls for sex, I always go for the under-16s.

Anything over 16 stone does my back in.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 15/7/2013, 20:53

My wife said to me, "Can I ask you one question?"

"Yes." I replied.

She said, "Do you still love me?"

"That's two."

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 15/7/2013, 20:55

I wish my girlfriend would shut the fuck up about having no room in the wardrobe.

The wife might find her.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 15/7/2013, 20:57

Odds on being next to pick up the ashes England 6/4 , Aussies 3/1, Winnie Mandela 1/3.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by kermit 2482 on 16/7/2013, 10:33

Mr Random wrote:Do you know Selfridges get the right hump if you phone up and ask them if they Sell Fridges - allegedly

 ha ha ha now the devil in me really wants to ring them now just to see what the response would be, but I shall refrain Evil or Very Mad
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 16/7/2013, 20:19

I was a bit upset when I overheard my wife telling her friend I'm useless in the bedroom department.

The wallpapering isn't that bad.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 16/7/2013, 20:21

"Is it just me.." said the wife earlier "..or are you getting a bit fat?"

"It's just you." I replied.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 16/7/2013, 20:22

My wife is complaining that she's too hot.

At least that's what I think the writing in the steam on the locked greenhouse window says?

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by The Hawkster on 17/7/2013, 18:23

I don't think it's fair that Babestation are only allowed to show boobs late at night, but BBC Parliament are allowed to show cunts all day.
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/7/2013, 19:52

Must be about 32C out there...

It's not the temperature, next doors 17 year old daughter is topless sunbathing in her garden.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/7/2013, 19:54

The media is full of shock over Britain's recent heatwave..

Or as we used to call it... 'Summer'.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/7/2013, 19:55

My six year old daughter's becoming a proper little madam.

She's opened a brothel in her wendy house.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/7/2013, 19:56

I groped a female colleague's tits for a laugh this morning and now she wants to take it further.

Looks like I'm getting laid.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 18/7/2013, 19:58

My wife put on her new outfit and asked me what I thought. I looked her in the eye and said "You look hot!"

Thank God for this heatwave

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by The Hawkster on 18/7/2013, 21:53

I'm not racist.

Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by BossHogg on 18/7/2013, 23:41

Per Mare Per Terram wrote:My wife has just woken up from a coma and thinks its 2005.

Which is great news.

That's two years before I met her.

Watch out PMPT, Alan has just taken credit for this joke on Radio Cumbria. Very Happy
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Alan Marsh on 19/7/2013, 07:53

I invited him onto the forum - sent him the link and everything!

Not my fault he left that bit out!! Very Happy 

Did he read out the bit about the queen unveiling a plaque we made?
I know he gave the Beer festival a plug!!
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 19/7/2013, 07:54

Boss Hogg wrote:
Per Mare Per Terram wrote:My wife has just woken up from a coma and thinks its 2005.

Which is great news.

That's two years before I met her.

Watch out PMPT, Alan has just taken credit for this joke on Radio Cumbria. Very Happy

The conniving bar-steward!!!

He did at least credit me for the joke, right? Very Happy

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Mr Random on 19/7/2013, 07:57

Nope he just said you were a huge bell end

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I'm dyslexic and not up my own arse so if I pick you up on spelling then you've fucked up bigtime

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by BossHogg on 19/7/2013, 08:04

I didn't hear the full request, I was preoccupied. Wink


Last edited by Boss Hogg on 19/7/2013, 08:11; edited 1 time in total
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Strumpet on 19/7/2013, 08:06

Mr Random wrote:Nope he just said you were a huge bell end

Stardom at last ..........................


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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Mr Random on 19/7/2013, 08:06

I just enjoy insulting PMPT

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I'm dyslexic and not up my own arse so if I pick you up on spelling then you've fucked up bigtime

I AM THE byLAW
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 19/7/2013, 08:54

Mr Random wrote:Nope he just said you were a huge bell end

Why were you listening to BBC Radio Cumbria?

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 19/7/2013, 08:59

Boss Hogg wrote:I didn't hear the full request, I was preoccupied.  Wink

Any idea what sort of time it was on, I'll listen again on iPlayer. Wink

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 19/7/2013, 08:59

Mr Random wrote:I just enjoy insulting PMPT

I enjoy returning fire. Very Happy

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by BossHogg on 19/7/2013, 08:59

He wasn't, he's shit stirring. Wink
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 19/7/2013, 09:01

Boss Hogg wrote:He wasn't, he's shit stirring. Wink

For fuck sakes man, I know that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You of all people should understand my "humour" by now! raz



I was "returning fire".


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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by BossHogg on 19/7/2013, 09:08

In my defence, I've been awake 26 hours, just off to bed. Wink
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 19/7/2013, 09:13

Boss Hogg wrote:In my defence, I've been awake 26 hours, just off to bed. Wink

I find the defendant not guilty. Wink

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Alan Marsh on 19/7/2013, 09:35

Boss Hogg wrote:I didn't hear the full request, I was preoccupied.  Wink

You have Nankivell on while shagging your missus?? affraid 

Mine makes me turn it off and give her my full attention! cheers Sleep 
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Alan Marsh on 19/7/2013, 09:37

Per Mare Per Terram wrote:
Boss Hogg wrote:I didn't hear the full request, I was preoccupied.  Wink

Any idea what sort of time it was on, I'll listen again on iPlayer. Wink

It must have been after 11.00pm, as I was still at work until 11.30 and I didn't hear it read out, just caught the tail end!
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by BossHogg on 19/7/2013, 09:40

Alan Marsh wrote:
Boss Hogg wrote:I didn't hear the full request, I was preoccupied.  Wink

You have Nankivell on while shagging your missus?? affraid  

Err no, I was providing traffic management at the scene of a serious RTC prior to the full closure for collision investigation. Wink
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 19/7/2013, 09:54

Alan Marsh wrote:
Per Mare Per Terram wrote:
Boss Hogg wrote:I didn't hear the full request, I was preoccupied.  Wink

Any idea what sort of time it was on, I'll listen again on iPlayer. Wink

It must have been after 11.00pm, as I was still at work until 11.30 and I didn't hear it read out, just caught the tail end!

Cheers, I'll check it out.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 19/7/2013, 13:35

Found it, listen from 1 hour 33 mins in:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01bttmb

Alan taking all the credit! Evil or Very Mad 

clown 

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by The Hawkster on 19/7/2013, 14:13

A postman died on his rounds after collapsing in the extreme heat.

Reports say he might have survived but the First Aider who found him unconscious, left a card saying 'Sorry you were out'.
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

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