"Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 15:09

Kate Middleton endured a 14 hour labour.

It's the most work that a member of the Royal Family has done since arranging a Parisian car crash.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 15:11

On the news tonight, the newsreader asked "What will be Diana's legacy to her grandson?"

I thought 'Car Safety Seat'?

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 15:16

The pill, the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to prevent pregnancy.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 15:17

Good to see that BBC Three are continuing their strong tradition as a comedy channel by showing the women's Euros.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 15:18

"It's a boy!" said the Duchess of Cambridge's obstetrician, as he looked for her tits.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 15:19

"After my wife walked in on me fucking her sister, my cock was like a kids trampoline", I told the barman.

He said, "Bounced on?"

I said, "No ... in the garden".

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:27

I recently just made two grand profit on a car I sold.

My wife says, "Why don't we spend it all on one luxurious night?"

I said, "Honey, I work in finance, I warn my clients about this sort of thing all the time."

She said, "What? Enjoying their money?"

I replied, "No, listening to their wives!"

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:28

My two year old daughter was trying to open a yoghurt this morning.After a few minutes she started getting stressed and said "Stupid, tatting, cunting lid!"

The wife looked at me & said "Where's she got that from!?"

I said "The fridge, you thick fucker"

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:29

Every time my wife wants to talk, 10 minutes or so into the conversation I always end up nodding off. She gets upset because she thinks I've lost interest in what she had to say. That couldn't be farther from the truth though.

I was never interested in what she had to say!

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:30

Meditation has brought a new peace and tranquillity to my life. It's even cured my headaches.

In fact, I wish the wife had started going to those classes sooner.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:33

My wife and her friend were having a conversation about how useless men are when my wife said, "They can't do two things at once."

At this, I interrupted and said, "Actually I can!"

"Give me an example," she replied.

"Well, while I was fucking you last night, I was thinking about your friend."

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:34

I was shagging the wife last night and, after cumming for the second time, I rolled over.

My wife was not impressed and said, "How about finishing me off now?"

So I smothered her with my pillow.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:35

Me: "What's that smell?"

Wife: "I can't smell anything"

Me: "Neither can I, get that fucking cooker on"

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:36

I said to my two-year-old son, "Now, what noise does a cat make?"

"Miaow!"

"Good, but do you know what noise a dog makes?"

"Woof woof!"

"That's right! Now tell me what noise a cow makes?"

"David, if you even think about going out to that fucking pub with your friends then you can forget about ever being let back in this house!"

That's my boy.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:37

I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid penis.

I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:37

My wife gets really annoyed when I use the word 'cunt.'

I suppose she's got a point, I really should make the effort to learn her mother's real name.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:38

My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"

Guess who had to put the batteries in.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 17:39

Does anyone have the owner's manual for a wife?

Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Girl*Next*Door on 23/7/2013, 17:53

Rations for the rest of your life Razz Laughing raz

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 18:56

That's a bit harsh! lol!

Good job we aren't a couple! Laughing

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Girl*Next*Door on 23/7/2013, 18:59

If we were a couple, I'd have taken the easy option and murdered you long ago Razz Laughing

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 19:05

Stop it, you charmer! lol!

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 22:31

Whenever people see me arguing with an idiot, they can't tell who is the bigger idiot, her...

Or me for marrying her.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 22:32

I was given the job of interviewing Kate Middleton's midwife.

"What colour hair did it have?", I asked.

"None at all, completely bald," he replied.

"Is it cute?"

"It was beautiful, one of the cutest I've ever seen," he added.

I said, "Now lets talk about the baby."

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 22:34

So, people can camp outside a hospital waiting for a glimpse of a baby and it's normal, but when I do it in a playground, I get called a kiddyfiddler.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 22:38

I'm not saying that my wife is ugly.

But when she boarded the bus in Mumbai, the rapists got off.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 22:43

Marriage counselling.

Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she's being a bitch.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 22:45

I bought my wife a friendly little robot to help her with the housework.

It's red and it's called Henry.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 23/7/2013, 22:50

Feminists have an opinion too.

It's just a shame nobody cares what it is.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 24/7/2013, 19:48

Saying to a woman "you got lovely kids", she gets all proud.

Whisper it in her ear she calls the cops!

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 24/7/2013, 19:49

It's nice to see Kate and William have named their baby something traditionally British.

I just didn't expect it to be Asda's clothing range.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 24/7/2013, 19:50

It's been almost 5 years now since my wife was killed in a horrific car crash.

I really should get round to taking the bunting down.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 24/7/2013, 19:51

I took my new wife's hand on our wedding night, and led her up to the bedroom.

I could feel the tension in her hands as she anticipated doing something she had longed to do for so long. And I wasn't going to disappoint her.

I was ready to show her how much I needed her.

I had the room all ready.

Ironing board, iron and a pile of my clothes.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 24/7/2013, 19:52

"I don't normally do this type of thing" I said on meeting my blind date.

"Me neither" she giggled.

"What? You're leaving too?"

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 24/7/2013, 19:54

I was watching a romantic film on the TV with my girlfriend last night when suddenly she leaned forward and started to point at her mouth, so I quickly jumped up, pulled my shorts down and started slapping my cock on her face to get it hard.

It was only when she started to turn blue that I realised she was choking on a peanut.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 24/7/2013, 19:58

The birth of the royal baby is a significant blow to the Hewitt bloodline's chances of ever taking the throne.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 24/7/2013, 20:01

After almost a year in a coma my wife is having to learn the basics again.

How to walk, how to talk, How to feed herself and How to not argue with me at the top of the stairs again.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 24/7/2013, 20:03

Thank god that there is now a new royal Milf.

I was getting so tired of blowing my load over Queen Elizabeth.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 25/7/2013, 15:17

"Fire in the hole!"

I shouted as I picked up Deep Heat instead of Anusol.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 25/7/2013, 15:23

Sometimes my wife terrifies me.

For instance, only last night, she said "Darling, I've had an idea."

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by BossHogg on 25/7/2013, 15:26

@Per Mare Per Terram wrote:"Fire in the hole!"

I shouted as I picked up Deep Heat instead of Anusol.

One of my colleagues had ring sting following a hot curry, he went to put on savlon but picked up bonjela teething gel instead because of similar packaging. The screams could be heard all over Scotland! Very Happy
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 25/7/2013, 15:41

Boss Hogg wrote:
@Per Mare Per Terram wrote:"Fire in the hole!"

I shouted as I picked up Deep Heat instead of Anusol.

One of my colleagues had ring sting following a hot curry, he went to put on savlon but picked up bonjela teething gel instead because of similar packaging. The screams could be heard all over Scotland! Very Happy

lol!

Who uses a cream to treat ring sting?! Laughing

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 25/7/2013, 18:44

I lost my best friend in a car accident yesterday.

We are still friends on Facebook though. That's what really matters.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by BossHogg on 25/7/2013, 19:26

@Per Mare Per Terram wrote:
Boss Hogg wrote:
@Per Mare Per Terram wrote:"Fire in the hole!"

I shouted as I picked up Deep Heat instead of Anusol.

One of my colleagues had ring sting following a hot curry, he went to put on savlon but picked up bonjela teething gel instead because of similar packaging. The screams could be heard all over Scotland! Very Happy

lol!

Who uses a cream to treat ring sting?! Laughing

 One of your compatriots - grim reaper no less lol!
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 25/7/2013, 19:33

Boss Hogg wrote:
@Per Mare Per Terram wrote:
Boss Hogg wrote:

One of my colleagues had ring sting following a hot curry, he went to put on savlon but picked up bonjela teething gel instead because of similar packaging. The screams could be heard all over Scotland! Very Happy

lol!

Who uses a cream to treat ring sting?! Laughing

 One of your compatriots - grim reaper no less lol!

Spending too much time south of the border has softened him. Wink

Talking of GR, has he had an invite for this here forum?

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by BossHogg on 25/7/2013, 19:37

He has, I'll have to re-invite him. Wink
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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 25/7/2013, 19:45

Good man. Wink

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 25/7/2013, 19:47

Why did Kate, Will and George cross the road?

Fuck knows! But the Daily Mail have dedicated their first 30 pages to it.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 25/7/2013, 19:48

The first week of the school summer holidays and my son has already broke his arm.

And if he answers me back again, I'll break his other one.

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 25/7/2013, 19:49

"Why so glum?" asked the barman.

"My best mate has just been crushed to death," I replied.

"I'm sorry," he sympathised. "How did that happen?"

"He was having an affair with my wife and he let her go on top."

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Re: "Another one for you all to laugh at!" Version II.

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