Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Page 2 of 2 Previous  1, 2

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Guest on 10/6/2013, 22:41

You're not that good - half of my gentleman's relish ended up over your grid! Sad

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 10/6/2013, 22:44

I thought you were going to last longer than 2 minutes! I wasn't expecting it. Wink

_________________
avatar
Per Mare Per Terram
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 4564
Join date : 2013-06-01
Location : Pussy patrol

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Ice man on 10/6/2013, 22:46

sgtpepperband wrote:You say that like it's a bad thing? Shocked

Anyway, why are you being so nasty? You were nice to me earlier, when we were in that toilet cubicle together, when you gave me that £25 note... Embarassed 👽

I suggest a different approach to PMPT, you shall dominate and humiliate him repeatedly, he likes that Cool
avatar
Ice man

Posts : 537
Join date : 2013-06-01
Age : 51
Location : A cold place

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Guest on 10/6/2013, 22:46

You made me so horny, with your LBD on, the hem riding up over your stocking tops. And when you slipped your green lid on, it tipped me over the edge... :face:

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Guest on 10/6/2013, 22:50

Anyway, back to the OP:

=========

"What Is A Matelot?"

A Matelot is not born; he is made out of leftovers! God built the world and the animals and then recycled the gash to create this dastardly weapon. He took the leftover roar of the lion, the howl of the hyena, the clumsiness of the ox, the stubbornness of the mule, the slyness of the fox, the wildness of the bull and the pride of a peacock - then added the filthy evil mind of the devil to satisfy his weird sense of humour.

A Matelot evolved into a crude combination of John Dillinger, Errol Flynn, Beau Brummel and Valentino - a swashbuckling, beer-swilling, lovemaking liar!

A Matelot likes girls, rum, beer, fights, uckers, runs ashore, pubs, jokes, long leave, his mates and his ticket. He hates officers, rounds, divisions, saluting middies, naval police, painting the side, jaunties, navy scran, his turn in the barrel and signing on!

A Matelot comes in four colours: white, off-white, dirty and filthy - all looking alike under a tan and a uniform. He is brave drinking beer, abusive playing crib, brutal defending his pride and passionate making love. He can start a brawl, create a disaster, offend the law, desert his ship, and make you lose your money, your temper and your mind!

He can take your sister, your mother, your aunt, and when he is caught will get his captain to vouch for his integrity.

A matelot is loved by all mothers, sisters, aunts and nieces; hated by all fathers, brothers, uncles and nephews.

He has a girl in every port and a port in every girl. He breaks more hearts, causes more fights and begets more bastards than any other man, yet when he is off to sea he is missed more than any other!

A matelot is a mean, hard drinking, fast running, mealy mouthed son-of-a-bitch, but when you are in strife he is a strong shoulder to lean on, a pillar of wisdom, and a defender of the faith and cause. He fights for his mate, and dies for his country, without question or hesitation!

angel

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by xHelenS on 10/6/2013, 22:52

None of your are doing yourself any favours in the race to become alpha male. its more like the blue oyster club in here.

xHelenS

Posts : 60
Join date : 2013-06-08
Location : Midlandshire

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Guest on 10/6/2013, 22:56

"The Demise of Jack Tar"

The traditional male sailor was not defined by his looks. He was defined by his attitude; his name was Jack Tar.

He was a happy go lucky sort of a bloke; he took the good times with the bad.

He didn't cry victimisation, bastardisation, discrimination or for his mum when things didn't go his way.

He took responsibility for his own, sometimes, self-destructive actions.

He loved a laugh at anything or anybody. Rank, gender, race, creed or behaviour, it didn't matter to Jack, he would take the piss out of anyone, including himself.

If someone took it out of him he didn't get offended; it was a natural part of life.

If he offended someone else, so be it.

Free from many of the rules of polite society, Jack's manners were somewhat rough.

His ability to swear was legendary.

He would stand up for his mates.

Jack was extravagant with his support to those he thought needed it.

He may have been right or wrong, but that didn't matter.

Jack's mate was one of the luckiest people alive.

Jack loved women.

He loved to chase them to the ends of the earth and sometimes he even caught one. (Less often than he would have you believe though)

His tales of the chase and its conclusion win or lose, is the stuff of legends.

Jack's favourite drink was beer, and he could drink it like a fish.

His actions when inebriated would, on occasion, land him in trouble.

But, he took it on the chin, did his punishment and then went and did it all again.

Jack loved his job.

He took an immense pride in what he did.

His radar was always the best in the fleet.

His engines always worked better than anyone else's.

His eyes could spot a contact before anyone else's and shoot at it first.

It was a matter of personal pride.

Jack was the consummate professional when he was at work and sober.

He was a bit like a mischievous child.

He had a gleam in his eye and a larger than life outlook.

He was as rough as guts.

You had to be pig-headed and thick-skinned to survive.

He worked hard and played hard.

His masters tut-tutted at some of his more exuberant expressions of joie de vivre, and the occasional bout of number 9's or stoppage let him know where his limits were.

The late 20th Century and on has seen the demise of Jack.

The workplace no longer echoes with ribald comment and bawdy tales.

Someone is sure to take offence.

Where as, those stories of daring do and ingenuity in the face of adversity, usually whilst pissed, lack the audacity of the past.

A wicked sense of humour is now a liability, rather than a necessity.

Jack has been socially engineered out of existence.

What was once normal is now offensive.

Denting someone else's over inflated opinion of their own self worth is now a crime.

And so a culture dies... Shocked Crying or Very sad

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by BossHogg on 10/6/2013, 22:58

I'll post my RMP version of that when I'm back at my computer. Wink
avatar
BossHogg
Admin
Admin

Posts : 2713
Join date : 2013-05-30
Location : Hazzard County

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Guest on 10/6/2013, 23:04

"Of all those who wander in and out of our midst there is none more widely discussed nor so little understood as a Matelot.

Cloaked in the anonymity of uniform, classified in the ledger as a number and regarded in the drafting office as just one unit to move here or there, irrespective of class, race or religion, he nevertheless contrives to rise above it all and emerge as an individual, uniquely different from his neighbour in the same rig, able to wear his uniform in a thousand ways, all frowned upon by Their Lordships, yet all just inside the law of the clothing class, and to generally act the living lie to the adage that regimentation is soul-destroying.

He will drip, moan and howl about his job, his ship and the Service, yet should any outsider dare run down these same things, he will demolish the critic with a flow of invective as picturesque as it is blistering.

A Matelot can be all things to all men at all times. In the messdeck argument he will don the profundity of a lawyer and discourse at great length and detail on subjects about which he knows nothing. A piped order can change him without pause for breath, or alteration of tone, from a happy optimist to a cynical pessimist.

On board, ashore, on duty or on leave, waking or sleeping, he seems eternally to be at the mercy of some mysterious `dozen', the expiration of which he will likely, sadly, hopefully, winsomely, imploringly, scathingly, or frantically, entreat to 'Roll on'. And when the first 22 years have duly rolled by he goes to the Ship's Office and asks for another ten. This being granted, here turns to his mess and ever after raises the cry, `oll on my pensh'! In this matter, as in many others, he is his own deceiver.

In his ship is no one as 'hard done by' as he. He will voice this sentiment as he performs some difficult or dangerous task for which he claims, "Some blankety-blank browned him off". Yet, if discreet inquiries are made, it will usually be found that, unknown to anyone, he volunteered for the job in the first place. If, however, he finds that his chum working with him has volunteered also, he will go into fits of laughter and deliver a long lecture about never volunteering.

When ashore a Matelot is, by his own light, a paragon of virtue. He seeks lurid experiences and strange adventures, not so much for his own satisfaction but for his subject of conversation at next morning's breakfast table. If he doesn't find these adventures - and he rarely does - then he just invents them. Should a young, storm-tossed irresponsible actually involve himself in trouble ashore, the punishment he receives from authority is many times lighter than that received from his own messmates; for the motto which guides a Matelot is the one which says "Never get found out".

A Matelot is a person who goes to Fratton Park with the express purpose of cheering the visiting side. If he can do this from the middle of a crowd of Pompey supporters, so much the better. Yet hear the same Matelot speak when his ship is at Plymouth, "Come to Pompey if you want to see football".

His favourite pastime is to start an argument in a hitherto quiet pub, leaving silently when the noise is at its zenith. He is a jack-of-all-trades and master of them all. He is a dishwasher and a plasterer; a model-maker; a midwife; a dressmaker and a cook; an electrician and a child's nurse. When a job comes up which he has not the faintest idea about, he will set about it with a curious mixture of common sense and brazen 'flannel, which convinces any onlooker that he is watching the original inventor at work.

The phrase which a Matelot never uses is "I don't know". This in itself leads him into strange places. He is a born navigator and he takes his bearings from naval tailors and public-houses. The phrase "out of bounds" intrigues him greatly, no matter what obstacles authority places in his path - such places will draw him as a magnet to find out why they are out of bounds. He lives for the 'first boat' ashore and then wonders who is making a fortune out of suppers he does not eat. He is fully convinced that he and his kind are being perpetually 'seen off'. But the fact is that the business expert who can put one over on jack has yet to be born.

He is a man whose natural nautical up-bringings and training have coated him with a shallow veneer of artificiality. But beneath this, and it is never far below the surface, is a deepness not to be found in other men. He distrusts the rites of the Church but very willingly he attends a service at sea. There on the same oceans in their many moods he places his faith in God, the ship, and her captain. He never talks over much about such things, because he is aware that those who have not attended such a service cannot possibly understand.

A Matelot is a suitable combination of applied indifference and deep concern. He is humour with a pusser's sausage; near truth at the defaulter's table; Casanova with bell-bottoms; a bon viveur with a pint of beer. He is, my friends, "A MATELOT !" Wink

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Guest on 10/6/2013, 23:08

Or a more basic version:

"A Matelot is a simple organism that turns lies into reasonable doubt, disarray into chaos, and alcohol into piss..."

It did me well for 25 years... clown

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 10/6/2013, 23:20

Footsteps, blood red from glories of the past.
Fleeting moments, memories, cannot last.
Hail the heros swathed in gold,
Laurel bedecked men of steel, with manner bold.
Blood red footsteps ever onward plod,
Ever forwards over sunscorched sod.
Through hail and sleet, snow and rain,
Never falter, advancing strain,
Irrespective of terrain.
Through frozen, sunstroked, retching ill,
They are tere to fight and fight they will,
They'll battle with courage, and consummate skill,
For defeat is a far too bitter pill.
They wear a Green beret, they wear it with pride,
They laugh at adversity and brush it aside.
Yet they are but human, they feel fear, they feel pain,
But when they are in action they never complain.
They reach their objective, capture or kill,
What they do they do with a will.
They are men of distinction, the cream of the crop,
They surmount every obstacle, they never do stop.
For they are the finest the worlds ever seen,
The ultimate professional fighting machine.
They are the first and they are the foremost.
They lay their lives on the line for country and Queen,
But they think nothing of it.
They are the Royal Marines.

_________________
avatar
Per Mare Per Terram
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 4564
Join date : 2013-06-01
Location : Pussy patrol

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 10/6/2013, 23:21

What Is a Bootneck?

Between the security of childhood and the insecurity of manhood, we find a fascinating species of humans called “BOOTNECKS”.

They come in all shapes and sizes. In trucks. In boats. In various barracks. In love and always in debt.

Girls love them. Towns tolerate them and the Government supports them - Just.

A “BOOTNECK” is sharp with a pack of cards. Deadly with a set of darts and protector of the earth on half a dozen pints. He has the speed of a striking slug - the slyness of a fox - the brains of a rocking horse and the stories of a sea captain. He has the sincerity of a born liar and the aspirations of Casanova.

Some of his interests are girls, woman, females, dames, birds, the opposite sex and spending other peoples money.!!!

His dislikes are answering letters, wearing uniform, provost Sergeants, BFT, the RSM and reveille.

No one else could cram into one pocket - a crumpled ID card, a packet of crushed cigarettes, a picture of his (or an oppo’s) girlfriend(s), a comb, a bottle opener, an old leave pass and what’s left of last months pay.

He likes spending money on beer, sometimes on girls, some on horses, some on football pools and the rest... foolishly.

A “BOOTNECK” is a magical creature. You can scratch him off your nominal roll - but never off your mind.

He is your one and only hairy arsed, good for nothing bundle of worries. But all your shattered dreams come whole again, when he comes staggering home - looks at you with those big bloodshot eyes and simply says..“Hello love Gis a go of your body”

_________________
avatar
Per Mare Per Terram
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 4564
Join date : 2013-06-01
Location : Pussy patrol

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 10/6/2013, 23:23

In The Beginning.

In the beginning was a word, the word was God. In the beginning was God, and all else was darkness, and void, and without form. So God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun, and the moon, and the stars, so that the light might pierce the darkness. And the earth God divided between the lands and the sea, and these he filled with many assorted creatures..

And the dark, salty, slimy creatures that inhabited the murky depths of the oceans, God called sailors, and he dressed them accordingly.

And the flighty creatures of the air he called airmen. And these he clothed in uniforms which where ruffled and fowl.

The lower creatures of the land, God called soldiers. And with a twinkle in his eye, and a sense of humour God gave them trousers too short, and jackets to large, and pockets to warm their hands. And to adorn their uniforms, God gave them cords, and he gave them ribbons... and patches... and stars... and bells. He gave them emblems... and crests... and all sorts of shiny things that glittered... and devices that dangled... When your God you tend to get carried away.

And on the 7th day, as you know, God rested. And on the 8th day at 0730 hrs God looked down upon the earth and was not happy.. God was not happy.

So he thought about his labours, and in infinite wisdom, God created a divine creature and this he called Royal Marine. And these Royal Marines whom God created in his own image, were to be of the air, and the land, and the sea. And these he gave many wonderful uniforms.

He gave them practical fighting uniforms, so that they could wage war against the forces of Satan and evil.

He gave them service uniforms for their daily work and training, that they might be sharp and ready..

And he gave them evening and dress uniforms. Sharp, stylish, handsome things, so they might profile with the ladies on a Saturday night, and impress the hell out of everybody.

And on the, 8th day God looked down upon the earth, and saw that it was good.

But was God happy?. No God was still not happy, because in the course of his labours, he had forgotten one thing.. He did not have a Royal Marine uniform. But he thought about it, and he thought about it, and finally satisfied himself in the knowing, that, well not everybody can be a Royal Marine...

_________________
avatar
Per Mare Per Terram
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 4564
Join date : 2013-06-01
Location : Pussy patrol

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Guest on 10/6/2013, 23:30

MARINE = My Arse Rides In Navy Equipment...
MARINE = Misguided Army Rejects In Navy Equipment... Very Happy

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by BossHogg on 10/6/2013, 23:37




WHAT IS A MILITARY POLICEMAN ?

Somewhere between the innocence of a recruit and a Provost Marshal, we find a creature officially known as a Military Policeman.

This species comes in all shapes and sizes but all the same creed, to annoy and harass as many as possible and to inundate with 252’s anyone who passes within a 3 mile radius of the Military Police Station.

Military Policemen are found everywhere, on top of, underneath, inside of, climbing on, swinging from, lying beside, or jumping on practically everything and anything.

They are always around when one wants to see them least. Officers salute them, girls love them but everyone else hates them. A Military Policeman is truth with a copy of Garrison Standing Orders in his hand, beauty with a slashed peak over his eyes, wisdom when writing in his notebook and the hope of the future when he sees you with a leave pass.

He likes tea in large quantities, bull, reporting people and leave. He hates the NCO I/C, work in any form, RSM’s anyone in general and you in particular.

When you are in a hurry he stops you and when you want information or help his mind turns to jelly and he refers you elsewhere.

He has the appetite of a horse; ask any cook, a never ending thirst for tea, the lungs of a Sergeant Major, the audacity to ask an officer for his ID card and the enthusiasm of a wet squid.

A Military Policeman is a horrible creature who can be ignored but never avoided. You can never forget him, wherever you are, whenever you are about to do something wrong, he appears from nowhere!

You see him when you are drunk, sober and even in your dreams!

You might as well give up! He is your captor, jailor, Lord and master. He is an unintelligent scowling pinnacle of Justice, who can smash all your hopes of a pleasant weekend by yelling in your ear, as he escorts you to the Guardroom:

“IT’s WORTH AT LEAST FOURTEEN DAYS!”

---oOo---

avatar
BossHogg
Admin
Admin

Posts : 2713
Join date : 2013-05-30
Location : Hazzard County

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Guest on 10/6/2013, 23:41

Did you just cut 'n' paste that from the MPGS website and edit to say "RMP" instead..?! :cyclops:

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 10/6/2013, 23:43

sgtpepperband wrote:MARINE = My Arse Rides In Navy Equipment...
MARINE = Misguided Army Rejects In Navy Equipment... Very Happy

There was a Royal Navy officer and a Royal Marine officer using the bathroom. Both of them were using the urinals, and the Marine officer finished first. He zipped up and turned around the leave without washing his hands.

The Navy officer watched him over his shoulder and said to the Marine on his way out "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands after using the bathroom."

In response, the Marine replied "In the Marines, they taught us not to piss on ourselves."

_________________
avatar
Per Mare Per Terram
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 4564
Join date : 2013-06-01
Location : Pussy patrol

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by m551 sheridan on 21/6/2013, 03:04

Para's rule.......... {{{ ralph, gag, spit }}} LEGS, drool.

plus we're the cockiest of the lot
avatar
m551 sheridan

Posts : 21
Join date : 2013-06-05
Age : 66
Location : Washington State

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Guest on 21/6/2013, 09:56

RAF chaps look on from the sidelines shaking their heads at the explosion of self pride. Then the Flight Sergeant says softly "Let the boys play with their toys lads, we've got a job to do, we don't expect praise, we do our job to keep aeroplanes in the air, thats where our pride lays."choir

"Last one in the hanger makes the tea."

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by matelots armpit on 21/6/2013, 17:14

I, I the dirty matelot lay claim to being the alpha male!

I can operate an industrial dishwasher in a gale force ten with no formal training

I can fashion scouring pads from my own pubic hair

I can see the beauty in everything ugly

When the barrel has run dry, I drink AFFF because I can

I can tie a Turks Head and I can coil one down

All because the lady loves a sailor leave

_________________
Proudly polishing Long John Silver's wood since 1987 pirat
avatar
matelots armpit
Feds

Posts : 54
Join date : 2013-06-19
Location : Davey Jones' underpants

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by the spice girl on 7/7/2013, 13:04

I think you can see now strumpet after a short while it's clear that although I'm not in charge, I'm THE alpha male

_________________
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.
avatar
the spice girl
Feds

Posts : 1322
Join date : 2013-06-01

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by thefatninja200 on 7/7/2013, 13:33

My dad is the alpha male as he's the boss. Wink
avatar
thefatninja200

Posts : 1
Join date : 2013-06-13
Location : cumbria

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 7/7/2013, 13:35

Is he fuck sonny! Wink

_________________
avatar
Per Mare Per Terram
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 4564
Join date : 2013-06-01
Location : Pussy patrol

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by BossHogg on 7/7/2013, 13:41

Hey, leave my boy alone. Wink
avatar
BossHogg
Admin
Admin

Posts : 2713
Join date : 2013-05-30
Location : Hazzard County

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 7/7/2013, 13:42

How much did you pay him to post that? Wink

_________________
avatar
Per Mare Per Terram
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 4564
Join date : 2013-06-01
Location : Pussy patrol

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by the spice girl on 7/7/2013, 13:43

fucking hell. child slave labour to back up the glass spine now!!

_________________
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.
avatar
the spice girl
Feds

Posts : 1322
Join date : 2013-06-01

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 7/7/2013, 13:44

Boss Hogg wrote:Hey, leave my boy alone. Wink

Well he has entered the lions den! Very Happy

_________________
avatar
Per Mare Per Terram
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 4564
Join date : 2013-06-01
Location : Pussy patrol

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by the spice girl on 7/7/2013, 13:45

game on in my book!

_________________
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.
avatar
the spice girl
Feds

Posts : 1322
Join date : 2013-06-01

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 7/7/2013, 13:54

Agreed! Very Happy Twisted Evil

_________________
avatar
Per Mare Per Terram
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 4564
Join date : 2013-06-01
Location : Pussy patrol

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by BossHogg on 7/7/2013, 14:32

@the spice girl wrote:fucking hell. child slave labour to back up the glass spine now!!

Fuck off bluenose. raz
avatar
BossHogg
Admin
Admin

Posts : 2713
Join date : 2013-05-30
Location : Hazzard County

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by the spice girl on 7/7/2013, 14:39

what's a bluenose?

_________________
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.
avatar
the spice girl
Feds

Posts : 1322
Join date : 2013-06-01

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Per Mare Per Terram on 7/7/2013, 14:52


_________________
avatar
Per Mare Per Terram
Moderator
Moderator

Posts : 4564
Join date : 2013-06-01
Location : Pussy patrol

Back to top Go down

Re: Who is the Alpha Male Here.............................

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 2 of 2 Previous  1, 2

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum